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The dancing aurora welcomed Caxin. The green curtains, made up of charged electromagnetic particles, radiated both warmth and frigidity, precisely resembling Caxin’s state of mind – wanting to live on yet longing to rest.

‘Have I lived a good life?’ Caxin asked herself while holding Betty’s hand.

The two lenses of Caxin’s binocular for understanding the world were made up of logic and emotion. As Caxin grappled with death in close proximity, the scientist’s clear cognitive lens fogged up and gave way to its incredibly powerful rival. Like muscle memories, the intense emotions associated with many ingrained events took control of Caxin’s thoughts. The joy of raising her biological and virtual children, the pleasure of receiving lovers and accolades, and the hollow feeling of mortality; Caxin silently savored each of the bittersweet memories. The stream of what seemingly opposing sentiments attacked Caxin, but she remained calm and prepared to face the eventuality of her colorful life.

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                                                                                                                            From Chapter 15 of  The Vault

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I've always wanted to keep the idea of mortality in close proximity. Life is short and I want to "foresee" what kind of regrets I might end up having on my deathbed. Although I know it's unfair to convince my current self to follow the dreams of a much older version of myself, I still think I should learn how to put my mental and emotional affairs in order before it's too late. 

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Volunteering at Oasis Hospice showed me how fragile life really is. Making friends with people whose lives are near the end, listening to their colorful stories, assisting them with simple errands reminded me to live with a sense of purpose. I hope to share my stories one day. 

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